Family mediation is made of a defined number of meetings (at least 3 and up to 12 meetings). Less defined is the length of each meeting as it is preferable not to interrupt. However, a minimum and maximum duration is usually mentioned (between 60 and 90 minutes) so as to give a time reference for each meeting.
The final purpose is to draft a written agreement signed by both spouses that shall then be submitted to the court for approval. The mediator is here an impartial, neutral and well trained agent who helps the couple find a positive and efficient communication strategy. The mediator is there to avoid that the couple runs the risk of feeling overwhelmed by their crisis.
In short, a family mediation programme can be divided into two stages:
1) A pre-mediation stage (1-3 meetings) with the purpose of:
- eliciting a general picture of the family situation and identify the specific issues at stake;
- determining whether the couple is open to mediation, i.e. whether the basic requirements for mediation are met;
- ascertaining that both parties are genuinely committed to reach a settlement;
- determining whether their conflicts can be controlled or positively transformed;
- building a mediation setting for the next stage of actual negotiation.
2) Mediation stage
The separating couple is assisted by a mediator in negotiating all aspects of their family re-organization: from their children's custody to the conjugal home, from the visitation schedule of the non custodial parent to the amount of child support and any property division. Joint meetings take place in the same room where the mediator will see each parent privately. Generally speaking, three chairs are arranged around a table suggesting that an intact triangular relationship is at all times in the mediator's mind (Monticelli, 2002). The mediator opens the meeting and introduces the issues to be addressed, he/she will also close the interview summarizing what emerged and the main aspects of the agreement, if any is reached.
Family mediation is quite independent from the judicial system, i.e. the spouses, though acting within the domestic legal system, examine a wide range of options including the less traditional ones. It is still a matter of debate whether family mediation should also include the couple's minor children allotting them separate sessions to express and be supported in their anxiety, fears and guilty feelings. (This is a much disputed issue, as some believe that this would offload on the mediator the whole responsibility for the children's consequences of their parents' separation; the parents would assume a rather passive and delegative position that would alter the whole sense of mediation which aims at restoring parents' competence and responsibility.
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